


Our Stars Have Crossed

by Graceaphine



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Abuse, Abuse of Authority, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Authority Figures, Boys In Love, Character Death, Child Abuse, Collaboration, Declarations Of Love, Diary/Journal, Dorks in Love, Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Gay Komaeda Nagito, Gay Oma Kokichi, Good Significant Other Saihara Shuichi, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, It can also be perceived as friendship, Komaeda Nagito Being Komaeda Nagito, Komaeda Nagito's Luck Cycle, Komahina - Freeform, Like you have to squint to see them, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Character Death, Minor Harukawa Maki/Momota Kaito, Minor Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito, Minor Violence, Movie: The Silence of the Lambs (1991), Nervous Saihara Shuichi, Non-Canonical Character Death, Non-Explicit Sex, Oma Kokichi Needs a Hug, Oma Kokichi's Birthday, Oma Kokichi-centric, POV Saihara Shuichi, Pedophilia, Physical Abuse, Possible Character Death, Rape/Non-con Elements, References to Illness, Sad Oma Kokichi, Sad Saihara Shuichi, SaiOuma Pit Valentine's Day Event, Saihara Shuichi-centric, Sexual Abuse, Shuichi Saihara needs a fucking break, Silence of the Lambs References, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Terminal Illnesses, The Author Regrets Nothing, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Tired Saihara Shuichi, True Love, Underage Rape/Non-con, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day Event, Valentine's Day Fic Exchange, Verbal Abuse, saiouma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-29 00:38:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 36
Words: 20,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17797757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Graceaphine/pseuds/Graceaphine
Summary: Shuichi Saihara has spent his entire life believing he's too busy with work to ever focus on having a romantic relationship with somebody. However, after accompanying his friend, Kaito Momota, to a group therapy session, Shuichi meets Kokichi Ouma - a cheerful, mischievous, yet also extremely captivating and intriguing young boy.This fanfiction is a series of diary entries over the course of one year, detailing the growth of their relationship. Eventually, Shuichi comes to the realisation that he's in love with Kokichi and debates whether or not he should confess his feelings to the other.The only problem is, the group therapy session they met at is a support group for terminal ill people.





	1. Entry One: Tired

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was created for the Valentine's Day Event for the SaiOuma Pit group on Discord. We were placed into pairs and I wrote while my partner is doing the art for our collaboration. 
> 
> The title is a play on the saying "Star-Crossed Lovers" which is a phrase said for lovers whose relationship is doomed to fail. This is because Kokichi is terminally ill so if Shuichi falls in love with him, he's just going to end up losing him regardless. Fun fact: the saying is used because "those who believe in astrology claim that the stars control human destiny."

11/02/20XX  
Diary Entry 

Solved 5 cases today. Came to work at 6:15am and left at midnight. Forgot to have lunch. Had instant noodles for dinner. 

Tired. 

Reminder to interview Mr. Souda about his claim that Mr. Tanaka stole something from him. I also have to start writing my report for Mr. Komaeda’s case and obtain a search warrant to investigate the office of his psychologist. 

So tired. 

I had an appointment with my doctor today but had to cancel since I was too busy to leave work. I would rearrange it but I don’t see any time soon where I’ll have enough time to go. 

Chief just called me (11:12pm). He wants me on the Tokyo serial killer case. I’ll have to research the case for a bit before I sleep. Thank God my home has a cofffeee machine. I’ve had at least seventeeen cups today and I’m stilll unbearably tireeed. kaede keeps telling me to take aa break but who will solve these casess? i have to keeep working.

staying awake a feww more hours won’t hurtt


	2. Entry Two: Exhausted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi is dealing with a lot of cases and his work load is enormous. It's taking a toll on him but Shuichi can't seem to force himself to take a break.

12/02/20XX  
Diary Entry

Fell asleep at my desk last night. Woke up with a sore neck and back. I had some aspirin next to my bed that I was going to take for the pain but I realised it was expired. I would go to the doctor to get a script for something but I didn’t have any time today. 

Maybe next week will be less busy.

I had three new cases today on top of the five I had before. I’ve been having to come to work three hours earlier than normal and stay until late into the night. It’s probably fine. We’ve just been having a sudden rush of new cases. It’ll probably calm down eventually. I can hanndle itt.

I have twenty four missed calls from Kaede. I feel bad for making her worryy but I was so focused on my work, I didn’t even notice my phone ringging. 

I don’t normally like to drink coffee too much but I’ve had at least twenty today. My head is pounding and I’m so tired, I feel like I’m going to colllapse. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I almost want to try alcohol just soo something - anythingg - can dulll the painn.

Please, pleasse let tomorroww be less hecticc. 

I was soo busy today, I didn’t get to work on my report. I’ve oonly done sevveen out of forrty pages. I have to crack down on that tomorrroww. I have to speak to the witnesss in Mr. Komaeda’s case and speak to Princesss Nevermind about Mr. Souda and Mr. Tanaka’ss case. I also have to call Kaeda back and talk to the chief about gettingg an APB on Miss Enoshima aand get aa a a

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reason Shuichi's grammar and spelling goes to shit towards the end is because he's sleepy and keeps passing out at his desk while writing. He isn't thinking straight and can't be bothered to correct his spelling.


	3. Entry Three: Ultimate Best Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaito asks Shuichi to join him for a group therapy session for terminally ill people. Being the amazing friend that he is, Shuichi tries to finish all of his work as quickly as possible so he can take Kaito.

13/02/20XX  
Diary Entry

Today was a bit better than the previous two days. I got a lunch break for the first time this week. 

Solved some more cases today. Turned out the case between Mr. Souda and Mr. Tanaka was just a misunderstanding. They’re an odd bunch. Mr. Komaeda’s case is going to trial. The date has not yet been set. Still searching for leads on Miss Enoshima. 

Finally got the chance to talk to Kaede today. My entire lunch break was spent listening to her lecture me about not working so hard and taking better care of myself. It’s nothing I don’t know and it’s nothing I haven’t heard a billion times before. 

I just can’t bring myself to follow through with it.

Kaito also called me. He has a group therapy session with other people who are terminally ill tomorrow and wants me to take him. Kaito could probably drive himself if he wanted but he told me he falls asleep at the wheel sometimes due to his illness making him tired and would rather someone else drives just in case. Really, I think he mostly just wants someone to go with him because he’s too nervous to go on his own. Kaito is a good friend and has always been there for me when I would accidently work too long and forget to have dinner. He would always take me out somewhere to eat and each time was not only a different restaurant but also a different cuisines. The amount of exotic things he’s made me eat are numerous. I feel like I owe it to him to do this for him at the very least. 

If I finish tenn pages of my report tomorroww morning, I can probbably russh back hoome to take him.

For the ffirst time in a while, I’m going to sleeep at 11:20pm. Maybe I can get more than threee hourss of sleeep tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi is willing to take time off for his friends but not willing to take time off to rest, give himself a break and take care of his own mental state.


	4. Entry Four: Valentine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi accompanies Kaito to the group therapy session. While they are there, he happens to gain the interest of a certain purple haired boy.
> 
> No wonder it's Valentine's Day...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enter: Love Interest.

14/02/20XX  
Diary Entry

I went with Kaito to his session today. I was originally intending to just wait in the car for him but he insisted I go with him. The counsellor who lead the session said it was alright so I thought I should go support Kaito.

There were a few other people there. More than I was expecting, to be honest. It seemed like everyone there had some bizzare backstory to tell. One of them was accidently misdiagnosed and given the incorrect treatment but by the time the doctor realised their mistake, they were already too advanced in their sickness to be saved. Another had AIDS after they had sex with someone without protection, only to find out that their partner was a serial romantic who went around having sex with multiple people. It turns out one of their partner’s previous partners had AIDS and gave it to their partner who then gave it to the patient. At least, I think that’s what the story was. The complexity of the whole thing made my head spin. I have no clue whether I heard it correctly or not. Someone had Leukemia, another had Lesch-Nyhan Syndrome, someone else had Coronary Artery Disease, someone also had Ebola Hemorrhagic Fever and other people had a bunch of other things I lost track of. This one person not only had a terminal illness themself but also lost their best friend literally a few months ago to the same illness. 

I felt terrible being surrounded by all those people when I myself cannot even begin to understand what they’re going through. It was like being at a gathering of the world’s most unfortunate people, when I’m one of the luckiest alive. It makes me regret all those times I’ve spent days that are supposed to be work-free fiddling with stacks of papers, rather than hanging out with my friends and ignoring the billions of messages they send me. 

The most awkward part of it all was that someone from a case I’ve been working on, Mr. Komaeda, was also at the meeting. I was hoping he wouldn’t recognise me but that hope was shattered in all of ten seconds. It was awkward trying to explain to Kaito and the other people staring at us how we knew each other. I was surprised to see Mr. Komaeda at the time but now that I think about it, I remember he told me he was diagnosed with stage 3 malignant lymphoma and frontotemporal lobe dementia, both of which are fatal. He was given a life expectancy of six months to a year but he’s already outlived it, which Mr. Komaeda says is due to “luck”. 

I can’t help but wonder if it’s good luck or bad luck?

I mostly remained silent for the duration of the meeting until one of the people there asked me why I was being so quiet. I told him I didn’t want to interrupt them, after all I was only there to support Kaito. They all assured me that I wouldn’t be interrupting them but I still felt a bit out of place. But then that same guy started asking me stuff, like what I do for a living, what I like to do - that kind of stuff. I told them I was a detective and surprisingly, he seemed super impressed that I was a detective, although I can’t really say I understand why. 

Kaito then mentioned that I’m a prodigy and that got them to ask me even more questions. They asked me about my first case but I didn't feel comfortable speaking about it. Even though Kaede and Kaito are my best friends, not even they know about my first case. I’ve never spoken to anyone about it because it traumatised me so much, I can’t even talk about it. I know it sounds pretty pathetic of me to say - or rather write - that but I can’t help it. The case scarred me so bad, I nearly quit being a detective. Truthfully, I would rather die than have to retell the story of that case again. I just can’t do it.

I can’t imagine I will ever be comfortable enough with a person to be able to tell them about that case.

They seemed surprise when I told them that aside from work, I don’t really do anything else. The guy who started talking to me earlier started asking me if I at least play video games or read or something. 

I don’t.

I don’t understand why they were looking at me with so much confusion and surprise. I mean, isn’t it normal for someone to focus on their work? I felt like they thought I was from another planet or something. 

They asked me what a regular day for me is like so I explained to them my entire daily schedule - wake up at 5:45am, get ready and be on my way to work by 6:00am, arrive at work by 6:15am, if I am not too busy I might get a lunch break from about 1:00pm until 1:10pm, then I immediately get back to work and come back home at 10:00pm. Then I do some work for a bit, maybe have dinner if I have enough time, do some more work then go to sleep whenever I’m done - usually around 3:00am. 

They looked so shocked, I felt like their jaws were going to dislocate from how far they were being dropped. Kaito immediately began lecturing me and at least ten people were all speaking at once, all telling me how it wasn’t healthy and I need to take better care of myself. I just smiled sheepishly and laughed awkwardly, not really saying anything in response. After all, it’s nothing I haven’t been told billions of times before. 

Admittedly, I kind of tuned out a bit. When you get lectured on a daily basis about how unhealthy your schedule is by multiple people, you kinda develop a habit of accidently tuning out when people do it after a while. I was pulled out of my thoughts, however, when the same purple haired boy who had been so interested in talking to me the entire time - for whatever reason - slid a few seats over so that he was sitting next to me and said, “Gee whiz, Shumai, you gotta learn to take better care of yourself. You don’t wanna make us worry, do you? You might give us all a heart attack and send us to an even earlier grave!”

As he said that, he giggled. It was a cheerful, melodic laugh and his cheeks seemed to have a light tinge to them as he laughed. Strands of his purple hair fell into his eyes as the he laughed so with a quick flick, the boy tucked them back behind his ear. 

I usually don’t really memorise the exact things people say to me and I especially don’t pay attention to how people laugh or what they look like when they do so but for some reason, what that guy said and how he looked was burned into my memory.

His expression suddenly became serious as he said, “Seriously though, Shumai, take better care of yourself! You need at least eight hours of rest everyday and you also need to make sure you get your three meals a day.” 

Suddenly lifting his finger up, the boy pointed his finger at me and wagged it around, an annoyed look on his face as he suddenly raised his voice and said, “And what’s with not getting a lunch break? Isn’t there a law or something against that? You should go right up to your boss and demand to have a lunch break or else you’ll take your talents somewhere else!” 

A grin spread across his face as he added, “That will definitely get his tie in a twist! I mean, who would seriously want to risk losing an amazing prodigy detective like our very own Shumai?” 

I couldn’t help but blush at the compliment. Honestly, I really don’t deserve his concern or those kind words he said. I am definitely nowhere near as amazing as he thinks I am. Still, it was nice of him to say that and I have to admit, it did give me a pleasant, warm feeling. Even if I don’t deserve such nice words. 

“Promise you’ll take better care of yourself okay, Shumai?” the purple haired boy asked me, smiling sweetly.

Usually when people lecture me about my terrible schedule - yes, even I understand it’s terrible - I don’t argue or agree with anything, I just hum and nod my head. I don’t know why I didn’t do it this time. I hate making promises I know I cannot keep, however, as I looked into the bright violet eyes of the purple haired boy, I felt compelled to agree. 

“U-Uh, sure, I’ll try.” I told him.

If only that was the truth.

“Good! ‘Cause if you fail me, Shumai…” he trailed off, the sweet smile still never leaving his face, “You’ll die!” 

He then began to laugh so I assume he was probably joking by that. I laughed as well, although mine was more forced because I knew that I was never going to be able to keep my promise. I can’t get eight hours of rest, I can’t have a lunch break - I have way too much work to do and it’s much more important than a few hours of rest or eating a few calories. 

When it was finally over, I was about to leave with Kaito when the purple haired boy came running after us. He asked if I would be coming to the next week’s session and I told him I would come if Kaito wanted me there and if everyone else didn’t mind me there. Kaito obviously said he would want me there, of course and the purple haired boy insisted everyone else wanted me to come back again too. According to the purple haired boy, “It’s nice for us to meet someone who doesn’t have half of their body already in their grave.” 

I told him in that case I would come again. I’m not actually sure if I will be able to come next time - it really depends on how much work I get done before then and I have to see with the chief - but I just said I would come to make him happy. 

He really does have an angelically bright smile. 

I actually didn’t do nearly as much work as I normally do today. This was the first time in probably years where I’ve had more than an hour or two a day that don’t involve work. I’m even going to bed at a decent hour today and I’m not even sleepy! That’s a first.

I wonder how long this will last.

Reminder - I want to call the chief tomorrow and ask if I can have next Thursday off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Sir, can I take next Thursday off?"
> 
> "Hm? Why Shuichi, that's not like you to take a day off...Is something the matter?"
> 
> "I met a really hot boy who's probably about to die and I gotta fuck him before he dies."
> 
> "...Take as much time off as you like."


	5. Entry Five: The Secret Ingredient is Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The purple haired boy from the therapy session shows up while Shuichi is at work to give him a surprise. Shuichi realises he hasn't asked the boy for his name.
> 
> His name is Kokichi Ouma.

15/02/20XX  
Diary Entry

I managed to get next Thursday off. The chief was surprisingly glad when I asked him about it. He said he thought it would be good for me to take a break from work. 

Other than that, it was a relatively normal day.

Until lunch time rolled around.

I had planned to work through my lunch break when one of the other detectives who works with me came in and told me that someone was here to see me. I expected it to be Kaede or Kaito or someone coming to make sure I was having breaks. However, as I looked up I realised it was neither of them. 

It was the purple haired boy from yesterday.

He had the same sweet smile on his face from yesterday and he was carrying a basket in his hand. I asked him how he found out where I worked and he told me Kaito told him. I didn’t remember it at the time but now that I think about it, earlier today I talked to Kaito on the phone and he mentioned he was meeting up with some of the people from the therapy session for lunch. He also asked me if I was planning on having a lunch break today and lectured me when I said I probably wouldn’t. 

In highsight, it probably would’ve been smarter for me to pretend like I was going to have a lunch break but I can’t really say that I regret it. 

In his basket, the purple haired boy had a “healthy lunch break kit” or whatever he said it was called. 

In it was three mystery novels as well as a bunch of freshly made chocolate chip cookies and multiple bottles of grape Panta. I have to admit, I was shocked. No one had ever come to visit me at work just to give me gifts and make sure I was having a proper lunch break. He said the cookies and Panta were for me to eat and drink and I could read the books as well during my lunch break so I have something else to do other than work. I have no idea how he knew I love novels but it was definitely a nice gesture. 

He wanted me to try the cookies in front of him so I did. It was delicious. It’s been a long time since I’ve tasted something so sweet, yet at the same time it wasn’t overly sweet. The chocolate was practically melting in my mouth. It was by far the best cookie I’ve ever had in my life. 

Surprisingly, he made them all himself! It was super impressive, I thought for sure they were brought from some gourmet chef or something! 

As I went to thank him, I suddenly realised I never asked his name yesterday. It was so embarrassing and I felt like an idiot having to ask him his name. Thankfully, he didn’t seem to mind. 

His name is Kokichi Oma.

I had some free time on my hands after I got home from work and I decided to look up what his name means. Just for fun and because I was admittedly quite bored and didn’t feel like doing any work. Apparently, the given name Kokichi means “small luck” while Oma apparently means “grandmother” or “any elderly woman” in German.

Is it bad of me to laugh at that?

I wonder if I should mention it to Kokichi next time I see him, although I don’t want to sound creepy or anything if I tell him I was looking up what his name means. I feel like it sounds a bit stalkerish of me. Not that I was trying to stalk him or anything, I was just bored.

Am I digging myself into a hole by writing this?

After giving me the gift basket, Kokichi stayed for a bit. I think he mostly wanted to make sure I didn’t do any work during my lunch break. It wasn’t until after he eventually left that a co-worker pointed out to me that I was smiling like an idiot.

Kokichi’s a bit of a weird guy but he’s also pretty nice. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone quite like him before. I still don’t really understand what he sees in me to be so concerned for my well being but I’m flattered that he does see whatever it is in me. 

As for the books he got me, they’re from a series by an author named Agatha Christie. The books are called, “The Mysterious Affair at Styles”, “Murder on the Links” and “Murder On The Orient Express”. I can’t wait to start reading them. In fact, I think I might try to finish my work a bit earlier tonight so I can start reading one. 

Before Kokichi left, I told him that I was taking next Thursday off so I could come to their therapy session again. He was practically beaming with happiness when I told him and he said he can’t wait to see me there. 

I was too shy to say it at the time but I can’t wait to see him again too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone gave me a cookie, I would totally be like "fucking take me already".


	6. Entry Six: Call Me, Maybe! ;)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Work begins to get hectic again and Shuichi "accidentally" finds Kokichi's number.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author~Chan had a hard time deciding to make the title a "Call Me, Maybe" reference or a "I'm Only One Call Away" reference.

17/02/20XX  
Diary Entry

I didn’t get a chance to write an entry yesterday because the past two days brought us a sudden rush of new cases. It’s like every criminal within a radius of a trillion miles decided to go on a crime spree all at the same time. 

I haven’t been able to read a lot of the books Kokichi brought me and I’ve only been able to finish the cookies today. I was surprised to find a slip of paper at the bottom of the basket. It had a bunch of numbers on it with a purple heart. I wonder if Kokichi meant to give this to me? It looks like it’s probably a phone number or something. Could it be Kokichi’s? Should I try calling it? But what if it turns out to be someone else’s? I would die of embarrassment if I called it and it turned out not to be his. Maybe he didn’t even mean to give it to me or he didn’t intend for me to call it? But then why put a heart? And what did the heart even mean? Normally when people write me stuff they don’t put a heart on it, except for Kaede but she probably just does it to everyone. 

Maybe I should ask him next time I see him? 

Or maybe I shouldn’t, after all I don’t want to sound like an idiot.

Well, I suppose I can always put it into my phone and decide later whether or not I want to try calling him. I mean, it’s not like he’s going to somehow see my phone and know I have what I’m assuming is his number in my contacts.

I almost forgot - I have to ask the medical examiner on the Tokyo serial killer case if he has a copy of the autopsy. I also have to obtain a copy of the luminoil and fingerprint results from the lab as well as see if they can get some swabs done on the suspect. I also have to interview the three witnesses on the case and type up reports for the other cases I’m working on.

Looks like I’m going to getting only a few hours of sleep.


	7. Entr Seven: Butt Dialling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi accidentally butt-dials Kokichi, which somehow leads to them planning a not-exactly-but-might-as-well-be date.

18/02/20XX  
Diary Entry

Today has been the most embarrassing day of my entire life.

I put Kokichi’s number into my phone yesterday, just in case I decide to call him.

And I did.

Sort of.

I was driving to work and I guess I placed my phone onto my car seat without realising and forgot to move it. I was listening to the radio and a song I really like started playing so I was humming it. Until suddenly, I heard a voice coming from nearby.

“Wow, you have a nice singing voice, Shumai!” 

I immediately recognised the voice as Kokichi’s. It’s not like Kokichi has a very common voice, to be honest. I looked down and it was only then that I finally realised I had sat on my phone and somehow dialed Kokichi’s number.

In that moment, I wanted to drop dead right there and then.

I quickly pulled over and apologised profusely to Kokichi for accidentally disturbing him. I explained to him about the note in the basket and how I accidentally dialed him. To be honest, I don’t know if it took away or added to my embarrassment that he found it hilarious. He didn't seem to mind that I accidentally called him. Actually he seemed glad that I did. He told me he was wondering how long it would take for me to call him and I asked if I was bothering him by calling him but thankfully, he said I wasn’t. 

Kokichi also told me I sounded tired, which was the one thing I was hoping he wouldn’t pick up on. He asked me how I had been sleeping and at first I tried to lie and pretend like I was sleeping fine but of course, Kokichi had to figure out I was lying. He ended up getting me to admit that the past few days have been pretty hectic and I’ve been staying up late doing work. Then when I finally do get to sleep, I usually get woken up by nightmares or can’t sleep from drinking too much coffee or something. Kokichi sounded disappointed and said it sounded like I was in need of a break. I assumed he meant I needed to just chill out and read the books he got me or something but then he offered to go out for coffee or tea or something on Thursday after our support group session. 

I agreed, of course. 

I did tell him that I had to drop Kaito home too, though. I was going to call Kaito and see if he wanted to join us but I ended up forgetting. I’ll have to do that tomorrow.

I also have to sort out some papers that fell out of my folders after I passsed out on my desk and knocked them offf by acccident. I have to interview more witnessses tomoorrrow and go baaack to the Tokyo seriall killler’s most reccent crime scene. I also havve to put ouut ann ABP annd d d

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was based off of something that happened to me. They butt dialled me while I was waiting for them at the shops. Thankfully, they're not hot and they were not singing.


	8. Entry Eight: Breaking The Threashold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi needs a fucking break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: VERY long chapter.

19/02/20XX  
Diary Entry

Tirreed.

S o tire ed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Troll.


	9. Entry Nine: In Need Of Stress Relief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi's exhausted but hey! At least he gets to see Kokichi soon.

20/02/20XX  
Diary Entry

So exhaused.

Stresssed from woork.

Cann’t thiink.

Neeed moore cofffeee.

At leasst I have tomorroww offf and I get to goo with Kaito to that therapyy thiiing.

I’lll geet to seee Kokichi.


	10. Entry Ten: Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They have another therapy session and afterwards, Shuichi and Kokichi go to a cafe before spending the afternoon at Kokichi's place.
> 
> “Thanks for the date, Shuichi!”

21/02/20XX  
Diary Entry

I accompanied Kaito to another group therapy session. Thankfully, everyone from last time was there again. No one had died in the past week, to my relief. I still don’t really know what I would do if we were to come one time to find someone died between sessions. 

What would happen if someone died during a session?

I assume whoever organises the sessions probably has something in place in case an event like that happens. 

Anyways, I happened to sit next to Kokichi, who was there by the time Kaito and I got there. As always, he had that sweet, innocent, bright smile on his face. 

I probably should’ve expected the first thing Kokichi would say to me would have to do with the incident the other day. 

“Are you going to sing something for us, Shumai?” 

I was so embarrassed! Everyone was asking us about what we were talking about. As Kokichi explained to them about how I butt-dialed him, I felt like I was going to disintegrate into a puddle of embarrassment. Everyone kept asking me to sing and if I have vocal lessons or if it's just a hobby. 

Of course, I didn't sing.

The actual session itself had to do with coping and preventing depression. I figured this was probably super important to discuss since it must be pretty hard living every day when your life is limited. I wonder how many people with terminal illnesses would prefer to just end it themselves and at least die on their own terms, rather than succumb to their illness?

As horrible as this sounds, I’m so glad I’m not one of those people.

I feel terrible for all of them. Kaito is one of my best friends and he probably won’t even make it to his birthday which is in a few months. I wish I could do more for him than just take him to support groups. 

If only work wasn’t so hectic. 

During the session, the counsellor was talking about how important it was to seek psychological help if symptoms of depression ever occur, especially after you’ve been diagnosed with a terminal illness. Suddenly, as the counsellor was talking, a blonde haired girl stood up and as she spoke, she was clearly struggling to hold back her tears.

“I’ve thought about killing myself!”

I don’t know why but I found those words so haunting. All day, they’ve been stuck in my mind, randomly echoing in my head throughout the day. 

Kaito immediately jumped up. Kaito, being Kaito, started yelling at her, “What the Hell is wrong with you!? Are you crazy? You’re gonna throw your life away just like that, just because of some stupid diagnosis?”

When I say that he was yelling at her, to be fair it was more like he was raising his voice. Kaito’s a naturally passionate and loud person so sometimes he can come off intimidating or aggressive without meaning to or even realising it. Since the people there don’t know him as well as I do, I doubt the blonde girl would’ve realised that.

“You say that like it’s easy to ignore the temptation of ending it all. I mean, I think we’ve all at least thought about it at some point.” Mr. Komaeda pointed out.

“But killing yourself is just cowardly! It’s just a way of running away from your problems and dumping it onto those who care for you and forcing them to grieve.” Kaito argued.

Kokichi, who had been surprisingly quiet until that point, decided to speak up and said, “That’s a stupid thing to say. What do you expect us to do then? Just sit and wait in pain and agony until the stupid illness kills us, rather than making it all end in just a few minutes? And the people who supposedly ‘care’ will end up grieving for us anyways since we’re all dying. You know, provided these people even really care.” 

I was a bit taken aback by what Kokichi said. It wasn’t something I really expected him to say and I don’t really know why but hearing the way Kokichi spoke, as if he didn’t believe anyone would really care if he died and it would be better for him to just commit suicide than die from the illness, made me uncomfortable and upset. 

I wanted to say something but I had no clue what to say.

I know Kaito said something in retaliation to Kokichi but I didn’t really hear what it was. I was so caught up in my own thoughts, that I didn’t even realise the conversation turned into a full blown argument until the counsellor and the other people there were trying to mediate the fight and calm them both down. In the end, they both finally calmed down but things were pretty tense for the rest of the session. Kokichi was silent for the rest of the session and just sat there with his arms folded and gaze fixed onto the floor.

I realised that I forgot to mention to Kaito about my plans to meet up with Kokichi afterwards. After their argument, I decided it was best not to say anything. I ended up just dropping Kaito home then going to meet up with Kokichi after on my own. I asked Kokichi again if he still wanted to meet up. When he replied, he spoke in his usual cheerful tone and gave me his sweet smile, as though nothing had happened before.

The way he acted was though the argument hadn’t meant anything to him.

But I could tell from the look in his eyes and the way he played with his hair that it definitely did. 

By the time I arrived at the coffee shop we agreed to meet at, Kokichi was already waiting there, drinking a cup of tea. The first thing he said to me when he saw me was, “There you are, Shumai! Geez, you took forever! I was so bored of waiting that I had to order my stuff before you.” 

I was kind of surprised to see him drinking tea. I thought he would be drinking a soft drinking like Panta or something. 

I noticed that when Kokichi was drinking his tea, he held the cup by the ear and stuck out his pinky finger. I didn’t say anything at the time but I had to hold back from laughing. 

It looked super adorable.

Kokichi gave me an odd look, probably because I was smiling like an idiot but thankfully didn’t say anything about it. 

Kokichi told me he ordered me something special but wouldn’t tell me what it was. If I said I was a bit suspicious, that would be an understatement. Soon enough, it came though and to be honest, I should’ve been expecting it. 

A plate of shumai.

Kokichi was howling with laughter as the waitress placed the plate in front of me. After a few minutes of continuously asking myself why on Earth I was even surprised, I eventually start laughing too. 

Since Kokichi was so kind as to order something for me, I thought it’s only fair that I get him a surprise too. I got out of my seat and went to order something for Kokichi, who kept asking me what I was doing. After I got back, I still didn’t tell him what I was doing and just said he’ll have to wait and see. 

To keep him from trying to figure out what I had done, I changed the subject and thanked him for inviting me out and saving me from another afternoon of going through case files. He said it was no problem and said he was happy I was finally taking a break for once in my life. 

Kokichi then asked me if I liked the books he got me. I told me I’m halfway through the first one and I’m loving it so far. I actually had the book with me in my car. Kokichi seemed happy that I liked it and said as soon as he saw the books, he thought of me and knew he had to get them for me. He said, “It was like fate!” 

I had been contemplating all day whether or not I should bring up the argument that went down between Kokichi and Kaito earlier but I finally admitted that I wouldn’t want to not say anything, only to regret it later. 

“Hey, Kokichi?” I asked.

Kokichi looked up from his tea at me, responding with a short hum. “I, uh, just wanted to make sure you’re okay after that argument you had with Kaito earlier. It seemed to get really heated so I just wanted to make sure you were alright.” I told him.

Kokichi’s smile immediately dropped and his gaze fell onto the floor. “Of course, I’m fine. Why do you ask?” Kokichi asked.

“It’s just…” I had to pause for a moment to think about how I was going to word this, “It sounded like you don’t believe anyone will really care if you die. Do you think it’ll be easier for you to kill yourself, rather than dying from whatever illness you have?” 

He hid it well but I could tell that when I asked him that, Kokichi flinched. He bit his lip and looked down but still didn’t say a word. By this point, Kokichi had finished his cup of tea. As he went to place the empty tea cup back onto the plate, I reached over and placed my hand in his, entwining our hands together. Kokichi looked up at me with wide eyes, surprise written all over his face. A red blush was spread across his pale cheeks, the red looking pretty noticeable against his light complexion. “S-Shuichi?” Kokichi asked, confusion in his voice as he tilted his head to the side slightly.

“I know it probably doesn’t mean much, considering we don’t really know each other that well, but I want you to know that I would be sad if you weren’t here and I don’t want you to feel like suicide is your only option, either.” I said to him, hoping I wasn’t overstepping my boundaries or sounding too cheesy.

In a surprising and uncharacteristically quiet voice, Kokichi finally said, “But then I’ll just be sitting there in agony for weeks, probably even months. I’ll barely be able to move. I don’t know if I can handle all of that suffering.” 

I feel so bad for Kokichi. He’s hurting a lot. He tries to hide it but I can tell the thought of dying is terrifying to him. I can’t really blame him, it must be an incredibly scary thing to suffer through. 

I wish there was more I could do to help.

“Like I said, I know we don’t know each other that well but I think you’re pretty strong and courageous just for making it this far. It must take tremendous strength to keep on going each day. I don’t think a lot of people would be able to handle it as well as you handle it. Heck, I don’t even know how I would handle having a terminal illness.” I said.

I gave Kokichi a small smile as I told him, “I think you’re really amazing for being able to not let your illness take over your life.” 

One of the many tears Kokichi seemed to be struggling to hold back began to roll down his cheek. He tried to muffle it but I heard a sob escape Kokichi’s lips as he quietly whispered, “I don’t want to die…”

Frowning, I felt so bad for Kokichi. It was like in that moment I could feel the pain he felt. I could understand what he was feeling. I wish I knew how to comfort him. Gently squeezing his hand, I replied, “I know, I don’t want you to either but you’ll get through this. I know you will.”

I felt my own face heating up - in fact, I think I may be blushing while writing this - as I told him, “And if you ever need anything, I’m here for you and so is everyone from the support group too. So please, don’t feel afraid to ask us if you ever need anything, even if it’s just something like you’re bored and want to talk to someone.” 

Kokichi smiled - a genuine smile! 

With a weak chuckle, Kokichi wiped the tear rolling down his cheek with the sleeve of his shirt as he said, “Geez, I can’t believe I’m crying. I must have something in my eye…”

Both of us chuckled, knowing full well that the only thing caught in Kokichi’s eyes in that moment were tears. Kokichi isn’t the type of person to cry in front of people normally, I think. However, the stress and fear of dying probably has made it harder for Kokichi to mask his emotions. Even still, he would probably never admit out loud that he was actually crying because he’s scared. 

“I can’t believe you just said all that mushy stuff! You’re super cheesy, Shumai.” Kokichi said, even though he was the one who was crying in the first place.

I figured that’s just Kokichi’s way of saying, “Thank you.” 

The waitress then came with what I ordered for Kokichi. The dish I ordered was, “Mizu Shingen Mochi” which is also known as “Water Drop Cake.”

Immediately, Kokichi’s eyes lit up at the pretty theatrical looking dish and he asked what it was so I explained it to him. At first, Kokichi tried eating just the cake on it’s own but when he couldn’t taste anything, I told him that the cake itself really has barely any taste, hence why it’s normally served alongside kinako - which is roasted soybean flour - and a sugary syrup called kuromitsu. Kokichi said that he felt like he was eating a giant raindrop and the cake practically melted in his mouth. It makes sense because even just by looking at the texture of the cake, it screams out “raindrop.” 

As we went to pay, I insisted on paying. Kokichi tried to convince me to let him pay or at least split it but I refused. Kokichi pouted and folded his arms. He said he will have to take me out again so he can pay for it next time. 

To be honest, I wouldn’t mind that.

Kokichi said he was going to catch the bus home but I insisted on driving him home. As we drove to his place, in between giving me directions, Kokichi was yelling the songs playing on the radio at the top of his lungs. 

I don’t think he was trying to sing but I still thought he had a really good voice - much better than mine.

I was too shy to tell him.

As an add came on, Kokichi briefly stopped singing to gently tap my shoulder and say, “We should sing something together, Shuichi!” 

I just chuckled nervously and said, “Yeah, maybe one day.” 

There’s no way I’m going to subject anyone to the torture of my awful singing ever again.

As we arrived at Kokichi’s place, he asked me if I wanted to go inside but I told him I had to go home and do some work. Kokichi was disappointed and said he was hoping I had forgotten about my work. I told him I would love to come over next Thursday, after the therapy session, if Kokichi was free. Instantly, Kokichi cheered up and we agreed to go to his place next week. 

As I was about to go, Kokichi stopped me and said he just remembered something he wanted to ask me. Kokichi asked me why I chose the “Water Drop Cake” dish for him and I explained to him my uncle and aunt had it at their wedding. The dish is admittedly pretty special to me and I figured Kokichi would like it. The dish is theatrical and exotic, yet extremely beautiful.

~~Just like Kokichi.~~

~~Not that Kokichi is beautiful.~~

~~I mean he is I just~~

~~I didn’t mean it~~

~~I did mean it, I mean, it’s just~~

I’m so stupid.

After answering his question, I headed back to my car. As I got into the driver’s seat, I waved goodbye to Kokichi who was still watching me from the doorway.

What I heard him yelling nearly gave me a heart attack.

“Thanks for the date, Shuichi!” 

Immediately I froze. Throughout my entire drive home, I kept asking myself whether it was really a date or if Kokichi was just joking.

No, it must’ve been a joke.

Kokichi was probably just joking.

I mean, why would he ever want to go on a date with someone like me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, the "Water Drop Cake" is real. Yes, it does look like a water drop. Yes, it's edible. Yes, it does taste like how I described it. 
> 
> Also if it isn't obvious, Kokichi's "Shumai" nickname for Shuichi is based off of the dish. He also mentions this in the game, too.


	11. Entry Eleven: Keep Holding On Through The Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone in the support group dies. However, rather than dying due to their illness, they discover it was a suicide.
> 
> In an attempt to liven the atmosphere, Shuichi and Kokichi somehow end up singing "Keep Holding On" by Avril Lavigne in front of everyone during a "therapy" session before hanging out at Kokichi's place and watching the most romantic movie ever - "Silence Of The Lambs."
> 
> Kokichi also discovers Shuichi's diary and draws a few pictures inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: There's mentions of someone committing suicide in this.

28/02/20XX  
Diary Entry

I haven’t been able to write an entry for the past week because of work but I definitely wanted to make sure I would get to record an entry today. We had another therapy session. I took the day off just so I could go. 

As soon as Kaito and I arrive, we immediately noticed there was a somber atmosphere. The counsellor greeted us but it did little to take away from how tense everything seemed. Kaito, being Kaito, immediately brought up the atmosphere and asked what had happened. 

The blonde girl who admitted she wanted to kill herself last time was found dead just this morning. 

It was a suicide.

Of course, the possibility of someone in the group committing suicide did cross my mind but the transition of possibility to reality is terrifying.

To be honest, most of the people at the meeting handled the news better than I did. Though I suppose they’re all used to death. 

The counsellor tried to liven things up by making the session fun. The idea was to take turns demonstrating our talents - kind of like a talent show but without the competitive and stress factors. 

I have to admit, it was better than I expected it to be. 

It wasn’t just singing, dancing or acting though - it was also stuff like just talking about things we like or are good at. Kaito, obviously, talked about space, the counsellor managed to convince Mr. Komaeda to sing some song he wrote about someone he likes, Kokichi talked about how he’s good at lying - which I personally find to be untrue or if it is, then I must be one of few people who can see past his mask.

And then finally, the moment of my death arrived.

“Hey, Shuichi! You should do something!” Kaito announced, patting my back.

“Yeah, Shumai! You should sing!” Kokichi exclaimed.

I’m positive my face was darker than a tomato at that point. I tried to speak but all that came out were nervous and embarrassed stutters. “Why don’t Shuichi and Kokichi sing a duet?” the counsellor suggested.

“W-What?” Kokichi and I asked in unison. 

Suddenly, Kokichi’s face was darker than mine.

I admit, I didn’t really think about my response before I said it and I was just as shocked as everyone else when those words left my mouth.

“I wouldn’t mind doing it if Kokichi wants to.” 

Everyone looked at me with wide eyes. Kokichi looked like he was about to faint and Kaito’s eyes were bulging out of his head. I was shocked too. I hate performing in front of people, I would never normally offer to do something like that.

But it wasn’t like I could just back down after saying that.

Kokichi was biting his lip and looked obviously nervous. Eventually, he agreed and the counsellor allowed us to leave for a few minutes to decide on a song. I told Kokichi he doesn’t have to sing if he doesn’t want to but Kokichi said, “No way! I would never miss out on the chance to sing with such an amazing singer like you, Shumai!” 

We finally decided on a song - “Keep Holding On” by Avril Lavigne.

We were both nervous and embarrassed but the performance wasn’t as much of a train wreck as I expected and was also kind of fun. Kokichi has a really cute voice.

After the session, I dropped Kaito off at his place like last time. Throughout the car ride, Kaito interrogated me with questions like “since when could you sing” and “how come you chose Kokichi to go with you” and I did my best to ignore or avoid the questions. 

Finally, after dropping Kaito home, I went to Kokichi’s place. When I got there, Kokichi was watching a television show. I asked him what he was watching but when he told me what it was, I immediately regretted asking.

It was Silence Of The Lambs.

I sat down with Kokichi on the couch and even though I’m not a big fan of horror, I decided to watch the movie with him. “Man, if only you were in this movie, Shumai. I bet you would catch this creep in no time!” Kokichi said and I couldn’t help but blush a bit at the compliment.

As we were watching the movie, we were pulled away from the climax of the movie when my diary happened to fall from my bag. Immediately, Kokichi grabbed it and started flicking through it. I was so embarrassed and tried to get it off him before he saw all the things I wrote about him.

Except I kind of failed at that.

“My beloved Shuichi thinks I’m cute?” 

His face literally lit up like a Christmas Tree as he said that and I was so embarrassed, I didn’t know what to say.

It even took me several minutes to realise he called me his beloved.

Kokichi found my embarrassment hilarious. Kokichi then flashed me a smile and winked playfully at me. “I think you’re cute too, Shuichi!” Kokichi exclaimed.

Knowing how much he loved lies, I couldn’t help but wonder, “Was that a lie?”

I had meant for it to be a quiet question within my head. However, somehow I had said it outloud without realising it. Kokichi pouted and said, “Of course it’s not a lie! Do you really think I would lie to someone I love so much?”

“Well, if you ask me, I think lying is your way of showing affection or interest or something. So in that case, I would actually hope the answer is yes. Not that I want you to be lying about me being cute either.” I replied.

“Whoopsie! You got me!” Kokichi said with a giggle, “But I wouldn’t lie to you about my feelings for you so saying you’re cute was definitely not a lie.” 

Hearing that made me a lot happier than it probably should.

Kokichi then asked if he could draw some doodles in my diary and I agreed. 

Now that I can actually see what he drew, I’m unsure if that was the best or worst decision of my entire life.

I only saw what he drew when I went to write this entry but as soon as I saw them I was shocked. Kokichi is an amazing artist! 

There’s swirls of colours around the edges of the paper. On my entry for the 19th, Kokichi drew a picture of me asleep at my desk. Another entry has a picture of me asleep with half of my body hanging out of bed and the blankets on the floor. There was also a drawing of the basket Kokichi gave me with the books, cookies and Panta on the entry for the 15th. Last week’s entry had a drawing of us at the cafe with the shumai and water drop cake we ordered. On the pages of today's entry, Kokichi drew a doodle of us singing together and one of us sitting on his couch, watching a movie.

I just realised there’s not much of a point in describing the drawings since anyone reading this - not that I would ever show my diary to anyone - would probably be able to just look back and see the drawings. 

I was also pleasantly surprised to find a piece of paper in my diary. It had the lyrics to the song Kokichi and I sang together on it with doodles from Kokichi. I’m going to glue it onto the next page after I finish writing this. 

I didn’t want to admit this at the time, but today has been the most fun I’ve had in ages. It feels good to be able to socialise and do normal things again, instead of just focusing on work all the time. I told Kokichi I would bring my diary next time we see each other so he can draw in it again. 

And yes, I’m obviously going to tell the chief I’m taking next Thursday off whether he likes it or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone, go listen to "Keep Holding On" and watch "Silence Of The Lambs" right now!


	12. Entry Twelve: Keep Holding On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The lyrics to the song Shuichi and Kokichi sang last chapter - "Keep Holding On" by Avril Lavigne.

[Verse 1]  
You're not alone, together we stand  
I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand  
When it gets cold and it feels like the end  
There's no place to go, you know I won't give in  
No, I won't give in

[Chorus]  
Keep holding on  
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through  
Just stay strong  
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you  
There's nothing you could say (nothing you could say)  
Nothing you could do (nothing you could do)  
There's no other way when it comes to the truth  
So keep holding on  
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

[Verse 2]  
So far away, I wish you were here  
Before it's too late, this could all disappear  
Before the doors close and it comes to an end  
With you by my side, I will fight and defend  
I'll fight and defend  
Yeah, yeah

[Chorus]  
Keep holding on  
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through  
Just stay strong  
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you  
There's nothing you could say (nothing you could say)  
Nothing you could do (nothing you could do)  
There's no other way when it comes to the truth  
So keep holding on  
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

[Bridge]  
Hear me when I say, when I say I believe  
Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny  
Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

[Post-Bridge]  
La, da-da-da  
La, da-da-da  
La, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da

[Chorus]  
Keep holding on  
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through  
Just stay strong  
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you  
There's nothing you could say (nothing you could say)  
Nothing you could do (nothing you could do)  
There's no other way when it comes to the truth  
So keep holding on  
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through  
Keep holding on  
Keep holding on

[Outro]  
There's nothing you could say (nothing you could say)  
Nothing you could do (nothing you could do)  
There's no other way when it comes to the truth  
So keep (keep) holding on  
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through


	13. Entry Thirteen: Bonds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's been a lot of deaths within the support group. Most of the people who were attending the sessions when Shuichi first came are gone. 
> 
> Shuichi finally manages to convince Kaito and Kokichi to hang out together and Shuichi and Kokichi have begun to frequently text each other.
> 
> Shuichi also has a major breakthrough on the Tokyo Serial Killer case.

25/03/20XX  
Diary Entry

I haven’t been able to write in a while since my diary ran out of pages and I had to buy some more to fill the diary with. 

The unfortunate news is that within these past few weeks, there’s been both new people joining us at the group therapy but people who were originally there were dropping off like flies. Kokichi, Mr. Komaeda, Kaito and obviously me are still there but other than us, it’s entirely new people. 

I’m shocked by how many people we’ve lost in just a few weeks.

Kokichi and I have obviously still been hanging out. I finally convinced Kaito and Kokichi to hang out with me altogether. It surprisingly went better than I expected. They argued and annoyed each other but I was able to resolve their arguments quickly. It was nothing that would ruin the whole experience. We went to the movies and then we had dinner before going back to my place and watching a movie. Kokichi insisted on paying for the movie and dinner since I paid last time - he even paid for Kaito! I could tell from the look on his face that Kaito was pleasantly surprised and impressed with Kokichi’s kindness. Although they clash a lot, I think Kaito realised then that the impression he had of Kokichi isn’t who Kokichi really is. True, Kokichi can sometimes come off the wrong way but he means well. He isn’t a bad person, in fact, he’s a really good guy at heart. 

While we were at my place, Kokichi drew some more doodles in my diary while we watched the movie. Kaito and Kokichi were flicking through my diary and laughing at all of my embarrassing entries. Kaito told me he didn’t know I was so cheesy. Kokichi agreed but then also added that he thought it was cute.

Then they both had a great time laughing like hyenas at my blushing face. 

Towards the end of the night, Kokichi fell asleep on my couch. I decided to let him sleep in my bed for the night and I slept on the couch. Kaito, of course, I drove back to his place.

When Kokichi woke up the next morning, he said he had the best night’s sleep of his life. He said my bed is much softer than his. I made him breakfast and let him use my shower. He insisted I didn’t have to - I think he was a bit embarrassed but didn’t want to admit it - but I told him I wanted to. I then dropped him off back at his place on my way to work.

We’ve also somehow began texting each other.

A lot.

It’s a daily occurance.

For multiple hours a day.

I can’t really remember how it started, it just kind of happened. Now, I carry my phone around with me all day at work in case Kokichi texts me. 

Speaking of work, there’s been a major break through on the Tokyo serial killer case. I think I know who the murderer is. He’s the husband of the original victim. The two had a happy marriage so at first, the thought that he could be the culprit never crossed my mind. However, a hidden nanny cam I found shows that his wife was planning on pranking him the night she was murdered by pretending she wanted a divorce. Her body was found in her bedroom, however, the lock on the door was busted. I suspect she may have gone through with her prank, only for her husband to flip out and suddenly become violent. She probably fled into the bedroom and locked herself in there until he calmed down but he ended up breaking the lock and murdered her. I’m not sure how accurate my theory is and to be honest, I don’t really have all that much in the way of evidence. However, every single victim had one thing in common, besides the way they were murdered - they all have long, straight black hair, a pale complexion, blue eyes and a thin body.

He’s killing people that look like his wife!

I have to remember to go speak to his psychologist and get a search warrant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This probably goes without saying but the Tokyo Serial Killer is totally made up.


	14. Entry Fourteen: Partners In Justice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With a little help from a certain someone, Shuichi comes close to finally catching the serial killer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get it? The title is a play on "partners in crime" except it's "partners in justice" because Shuichi is a detective and they're trying to catch the serial killer...
> 
> ...I'll go home now...

27/03/20XX  
Diary Entry

This is crazy. 

I was speaking on the phone to Kokichi today and he noticed I sounded even sleepier than normal. I told him that the Tokyo serial killer case is stressing me out. He asked me about it so I explained it to him.

After talking to his psychologist, I found out that the husband of the first victim, who I suspect is the murderer, has bipolar personality disorder as well as narcissism personality disorder. He also allegedly had anger management issues. 

Apparently, according to some of his friends I interviewed today, he was planning on moving but never said where he was moving to.

He must’ve fled the state. 

But where could he have gone?

I was talking to Kokichi about it and I mentioned I had no idea where he’s hiding. Kokichi asked about the victim and I told him she was born in Paris but moved here when she was 17. According to her parents, she was not happy about the move which was her parent’s idea. Paris as always been their daughter’s favourite place in the world. For their honeymoon, she and the suspect travelled to Paris and stayed there for two months. However, the only people who knew about their honeymoon plan were close friends and family. Nothing was posted on social media, no one outside of friends and family were told. The only way I found out was from a picture on her phone that I found. It was one of the few photos that were on it when I found it. 

“Do you think he went to Paris?” Kokichi suggested.

At first I was confused but when Kokichi explained it, it made sense. The main focus point of the case is his wife - all the victims were specifically chosen because they look like her. His wife also loves Paris.

I was also discussing my theory with one of my co-workers - Will. He also raised a good point and said, “Maybe in the killer’s mind, it’s not so much murder as it is a sign of devotion to his wife and their love. It’s likely he wasn’t thinking properly when he killed her and was purely acting out of anger. This could either be perceived by him as his way of redeeming himself or getting rid of the guilt so he won’t have to look at all these people who remind him of his wife.”

In that case, it would make even more sense for him to flee to Paris. Especially because of a crucial fact Kokichi reminded me of.

Paris is the city of love.

I talked to the chief, showed him all of my evidence and explained my theory in full. After several hours of talking to him, explaining to him and trying to convince him, he finally caved in and said he would get in touch with Paris’ police department and get as many people on the case as possible.

As soon as I stepped out of the chief’s department, I called Kokichi and I couldn’t thank him enough for all the help he provided me with. Without him, I probably wouldn’t have ever been able to make such a huge breakthrough.

I am sure that I’m right, I’m sure I’ve got the right guy.

Maybe now work can finally be a bit less hectic.


	15. Entry Fifteen: Permanent Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During the night, Shuichi gets a call from Kokichi. Immediately, he notices something is wrong when he doesn't hear the usual playfulness in Kokichi's voice.
> 
> Rushing to Kokichi's home, Shuichi's shockingly discovers a horrific truth.
> 
> Kokichi tried to commit suicide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Kokichi attempts suicide in this. There's also mentions of self-harm.

09/04/20XX  
Diary Entry

Kokichi called me at 3:00am. 

For once, I am glad to have fallen asleep at my desk because my phone was next to me and on. When I heard it ringing, I immediately answered and thank God I did.

I don’t know what would’ve happened if I didn’t.

When I answered, Kokichi’s voice was quiet and shaky, as though he was trying to hold back tears. I asked him what was wrong but all Kokichi said was, “Can you come over? Please? It’s kind of important.” 

Before I could say anything else, he hanged up. I tried calling him back but he stopped answered. Of course, I went to his place as fast as I could. I wouldn’t be surprised if I broke a few traffic laws along the way.

Okay, I wasn’t driving that fast but you get the point. 

When I arrived, I knocked at the front door but no one answered. I eventually realised it was unlocked and even though I would never normally do this, I was so worried I just went inside. The place was a mess. It was like a tornado came through. 

But there was no sign of Kokichi. 

I called out a few times, only to receive no response. Finally, I heard someone softly groaning my name. It was Kokichi and it was coming from the bathroom. The bathroom door was silently open so without thinking, I shoved it open and lying there was Kokichi.

Kokichi looked like a mess. He had dark circles under his bloodshot eyes, his skin was a sickly shade of white and there were tear stains down his cheeks. His clothes were all creased and his hair was a mess.

It was definitely not like his usual self.

But that wasn’t even the scariest bit.

There was blood pouring from huge marks on his wrists.

I immediately ran to him and asked him what happened. Kokichi suddenly broke out in tears, apologising profusely and crying into my chest. Although I was confused, I did my best to comfort him. I rubbed his back gently and told him it was okay. When he seemed to calm down a bit, I asked him what happened, though I could pretty much guess.

Kokichi tried to commit suicide.

He was hysterical and practically screaming apologies at me. I just hugged him tightly and gently told him it was okay. At this point, I was also crying. I hadn’t even realised it but there was no way the drops running down my cheeks could’ve been anything else. I was upset and confused as to why Kokichi would do something like that - hadn’t I told him that I was here for him? But I had no time to think of that. Kokichi’s wounds needed to be tended to and I had to take him to hospital.

I cleaned up his wounds as best as I could before practically throwing him into my car and whisking him to the hospital. At some point during the ride, Kokichi passed out and immediately, I went from panicking to nearly having a cardiac arrest of my own. When we arrived, although I had patched him up well enough to stop the bleeding, he had still lost a lot of blood and was rushed into theater for a blood transfusion.

Now, I am sitting in the waiting room waiting for him.

I’m trying not to cause a scene but I’m crying so hard, the pages of my diary are getting soaked by my own tears.

He’s been in theater for over an hour now.

I’m scared.

Please, please, Kokichi! Don’t die.


	16. Entry Sixteen: Can Scars Really Fade?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kokichi survives his suicide attempt and Shuichi becomes determined to help Kokichi get better so he doesn't attempt to kill himself ever again. Shuichi comes to terms with the fact that he cares a lot about Kokichi and that the other is the most important thing in his life. 
> 
> Shuichi also ends up opening up to Kokichi about his first case and Kokichi convinces Shuichi to stop wearing his hat.

23/04/20XX  
Diary Entry

I haven’t been writing for a while because I wanted to spend as much time as possible with Kokichi so I could help him recover.

And yes, Kokichi’s suicide attempt failed, thankfully.

After over two hours in theater, he finally came out. He was in ICU for a few days but was eventually moved to a normal hospital room in a ward. He’s been in here for a while but the doctors think he can go home tomorrow.

Kaito, Mr. Komaeda and other people from the support group came to see Kokichi. Kokichi asked them all to draw something on the bandages they put on his wounds. Mr. Komaeda wrote the word “HOPE” and drew a smiling face while Kaito drew some starts and wrote, “Reach for the stars!” 

Kokichi also asked me to draw something. I would’ve drawn a doodle of Kokichi and I together, however, I’m nowhere near as good at drawing as Kokichi is so I opted to just draw a heart. 

And yes, I’m fully aware of the implications behind that symbol.

I’m not saying that I love Kokichi or anything, well not romantically. Well, I mean I could love him romantically. I haven’t really figured out how I feel about him, to be honest. I get butterflies in my stomach when I’m around him and everything he does seems to intrugine me more and more. He’s like the greatest mystery I’ve ever come across. I have to admit, most of the time I don’t really understand him but that just piques my interest more and makes me what to know more about him. 

Like I said, I really have no idea if my feelings for him are simple admiration and friendship or if I actually do have romantic feelings for him. I’ve never been in a relationship before, I haven’t even had a crush before. I was always so focused on my work. This is the first time in my life where my time is spent with something other than work.

I have to admit, I’ve been dying for a break from work.

I should’ve done this years ago.

After a couple of days, I eventually asked Kokichi the question both of us knew would come up eventually. 

Why did he try to kill himself?

Kokichi’s smile immediately fell from his face and things suddenly became very tense. At first he stuttered nervously, trying to figure out what to say I guess. After a while, Kokichi sighed and buried his face in his hands before mumbling about a thousand apologies. I hugged him and did my best to comfort him. I told him it was okay and I wasn’t upset with him - I just wanted to know why he did it so I can prevent it from happening again and help him better.

“I’ve just had enough, Shuichi.” Kokichi whispered to me, his voice cracking, “I don’t want to keep watching people die. I’m tired of having to say goodbye all the time. I’m tired of being in pain. I’m tired of having to pretend to be happy and cheerful when I’m not. I’m tired of having no one besides you care about me. So what does it matter if I die anyways? Only one person will care and you’ll probably get over it eventually...s-so...so…” 

Kokichi trailed off, sobbing softly as he buried his flushed face into my shirt to hide his tears. “Kokichi, that’s not true. Kaito, the counsellor, Mr. Komaeda and the others all care about you. Yes, you’ll have to say goodbye to people you care about. Yes, things won’t always be happy. That’s life but you don’t have to deal with it on your own, you have all of us.” I tried to tell him, “And even if you don’t have the others, you have me, don’t you? Aren’t I enough?”

I have to admit, I was kind of hurt at the time. I thought Kokichi didn’t think I was enough to make him happy. I’m nothing special but I can support my friends when they need it. “Of course you’re enough but…” Kokichi said but again trailed off.

I asked him what the “but” was.

“I can’t keep wasting your time on me.”

I have to admit, that statement legitimately shocked me. I can’t imagine why he would’ve ever thought he was wasting my time. I assured him he wasn’t a waste of my time. In fact, right now he’s probably one of the best things in my life - he’s helped me finally break free of my never ending cycle of continuous work, he’s given me back my social life, he’s helped me have fun again. I can’t thank him enough for all he’s done for me but he doesn’t even realise how good he’s been for me. 

I made him promise to try as hard as he can to not hurt himself or attempt to kill himself and if he ever does feel like doing either of those things, I told him to talk to me about it immediately - no matter what time of the day it is or if I’m busy with work.

I also ended up telling Kokichi about my first case at some point. I don’t really remember how the conversation started - I just remember we were eating lunch at the time. 

Basically, my first big case was a murder case. I happened to solve the case by chance and ended up solving it faster than the police. I don’t really deserve the credit because I didn’t really do anything amazing - it was pure chance.

I don’t usually talk about the case because it was an extremely traumatic experience for me. 

When the culprit was captured, he glared at me with the chilliest, hate-filled stare I have ever seen. His eyes were so full of spite and malice and I fully believe he hated me with every fiber of his being. I later learned that the victim was a horrible person who tricked the culprit’s family and drove them all to suicide so the killer was just avenging his family. I feel like I am the guilty one - I feel like I am a million times guiltier than the actual culprit. The victim was a horrible person and because I discovered the truth, I unintentionally sided with what he did. I’m a pathetic detective and I don’t deserve my badge. It’s why I never go anywhere without my hat on - I can’t bare to look into people’s eyes anymore after that incident.

“That’s odd.” Kokichi finally said after being silent for the duration of my story.

Confused, I asked him what he meant and Kokichi told me that in my diary, I talk about his eyes quite a lot. Flicking through my diary now, I realise he’s right! I’ve described his eyes at least eight times. “I’m not saying you don’t have a fear of eye contact because you definitely do but do you think the wound has began to heal, even just a bit?” Kokichi suggested. 

I think he may be right - I definitely haven’t healed from the incident but maybe I can begin to put it behind me now. It’s been a while since that case, after all I can’t keep dwelling on the past forever.

“Do you think you might be comfortable enough to take of your hat now?” Kokichi asked me, “At least around Kaito and I?”

I admit, I was hesitant but what did I have to lose? If I got uncomfortable, I could always put the hat back on. I took off the hat and sat on the edge of Kokichi’s bed. Kokichi moved my hat to the side and moved in closer to brush some strands of hair from my eyes. I felt my face turn dark red - either from Kokichi’s touch or embarrassment, I don’t really know. 

“Wow, you look so beautiful, Shumai! You have really nice eyes!” 

If I wasn’t blushing because of Kokichi before, I definitely was after that.

Kokichi and I made a deal - he won’t try to kill himself or self-harm if I try to have more self-confidence in myself and don’t put myself down anymore. 

He really is the best thing in my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi is determined to help Kokichi and Kokichi is determined to help Shuichi.
> 
> Note that earlier, Shuichi said in one entry he would never talk about his first case to anyone, yet that goes out the window in this chapter.
> 
> Also, the amount of time Shuichi must've taken off to be with Kokichi is amazing, especially when you think about the fact he wouldn't even take one day off for himself before.


	17. Entry Seventeen: Broken Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi convinces Kokichi to move in with him after Kokichi is discharged from hospital, in case Kokichi tries to commit suicide again.

24/04/20XX  
Diary Entry

Kokichi was discharged from hospital today. The doctors suggested that Kokichi should start seeing a psychologist and perhaps he should stay with a friend until he’s no longer having suicidal thoughts. I offered for Kokichi to stay with me and although he was reluctant because he didn’t want to burden me, I eventually convinced him to move in - at least just temporarily. 

We first went back to Kokichi’s place and picked up some things from his house before going back to my place. Kokichi’s been to my place many times so I didn't have to give him a tour or anything. There’s only one small problem.

I only have one bed.

My original plan was for Kokichi to sleep in my bed and I would sleep on the couch but then he insisted he would sleep on the couch.

But then somehow we ended up deciding to both sleep on the bed together.

Don’t ask me how we came to that decision, I don’t really have any clue either.

The other slight problem is that my bed is kind of small so I pretty much have to spoon Kokichi for both of us to fit on it. It probably sounds like it would be super awkward and at first I was worried it was going to be awkward for both of us too but we tried doing it this afternoon and it was actually pretty good.

The best part was Kokichi couldn’t see how red my face was from blushing. 

Kokichi is on the bed now sleeping. He’s pretty tired from the medications the hospital gave him. The past few weeks must’ve felt like an eternity for him.

Poor Kokichi. 

I feel terrible for him.

I wish there was more I could do.

This is actually the first time anyone has ever stayed with me - second time if you count the time Kokichi fell asleep on my couch. He’s been here for only a few hours and already his presence has made the house a trillion times more energetic, vibrant and lively than it’s ever been before. I’ve never been fond of the idea of having people stay at my house - I’ve always been embarrassed about showing my house to people. Now that Kokichi’s here, any reservations I previously had have been thrown out the window.

I’m going to start making dinner for when Kokichi wakes up.


	18. Entry Eighteen: Receiving Stress Relief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kokichi tries to get Shuichi's life at least somewhat organised and balanced.

10/04/20XX  
Diary Entry

Kokichi has been lecturing me about my sleeping habits a lot as of late. I stay up late doing work and I don’t sleep well during the night. Kokichi has even had to drag me to bed a few times when I have fallen asleep at my desk.

So today when I got home from work, I found Kokichi with a huge piece of paper. It was a planned day-to-day schedule for us. As soon as I stepped through the doorway, Kokichi shouted, “Okay, Shumai! This is our new schedule and we’re sticking to it.” 

I didn’t think he was actually serious but he’s been dragging me around all day, sticking by the schedule perfectly. I’m kind of embarrassed. I feel like a little kid being berated by my mother or something. I told Kaito and Kaede about it and they found it hilarious. They thought it was a great idea and Kaede told me she “approves of my new boyfriend”. 

I would write some more but according to the schedule, I have to spend time with Kokichi now - at least a third of the schedule is “Shumai hangs out with me :D” - and he’s pulling on my arm like a child and yelling at me to go.


	19. Entry Nineteen: Diary Thief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kokichi steals Shuichi's diary and writes an entry in it to surprise Shuichi later.

15/04/20XX  
Diary Entry  
 _(^That’s how Shumai writes his entry things, right?)_

😋😊😁😀 Hello diary-person-thing! 😀😁😊😋

Shumai is in the shower so I decided to play a prank on him and write in his diary while he isn’t looking and see how he reacts next time he goes to write in it. 😏😛😜😝

Shumai is so sweet writing all this nice stuff about me, I’m soooo flattered! I should write nice stuff about Shumai!

Hmm, let’s see…

❤💘💖💕💓💞💝💜💛💚💙 He’s the kindest person ever, ever, ever! 💙💚💛💜💝💞💓💕💖💘❤

❤💘💖💕💓💞💝💜💛💚💙 He’s super pretty - especially his eyes! 💙💚💛💜💝💞💓💕💖💘❤

❤💘💖💕💓💞💝💜💛💚💙 I love his totally not snobbish or greedy personality that’s fifty times better than literally anyone else’s! 💙💚💛💜💝💞💓💕💖💘❤

❤💘💖💕💓💞💝💜💛💚💙 I love his super smart brain! 💙💚💛💜💝💞💓💕💖💘❤

❤💘💖💕💓💞💝💜💛💚💙 I love how soft and plump his lips are! I love how full they look! 💙💚💛💜💝💞💓💕💖💘❤

❤💘💖💕💓💞💝💜💛💚💙 I love how he’s pretty much the only shining star in the entire human race! 💙💚💛💜💝💞💓💕💖💘❤

❤💘💖💕💓💞💝💜💛💚💙 I love how much he cares about other people and how he makes me feel like I’m actually worth something! 💙💚💛💜💝💞💓💕💖💘❤

😗😘😙😚 I love everything about my Shumai! 😚😙😘😗

😎😉😏 And for the record, Shumai, if you’re reading this - none of what I’ve written is a lie! 😏😉😎

I admit, I don’t usually like to say, “thank you” - it’s always been something that I’ve found hard to say.

However, just this one time, I will write it down here and Shumai can read it every time he does something amazing for me. Then I will probably never say it again for the rest of my life.

😇😇😇 Thank you, Shumai, for all the things you’ve done for me. I’m not used to showing my appreciation but I hope you know that I appreciate you. 😇😇😇

Now, don’t expect me to say that ever again.

Whoopsie doopsie, I think Shumai is about to come out of the shower now. I have to put this away quickly before he sees it. I really, really hope he looks in this later and reads it. 

😀😁😃😄😆😊😋 Nishi nishi nish.~ 😋😊😆😄😃😁😀

\- The Fabulous Kokichi. 😚😙😘😗

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope the emoticons work lmao


	20. Entry Twenty: Damn It, Kokichi!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi reads the previous entry.

15/04/20XX  
Diary Entry

Damn it, Kokichi!

 

\- Shuichi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boyfriends these days - they just steal your diary, draw a bunch of derby faces and say adorable things about you so then you're too touched to punish them for reading your diary in the first place...


	21. Entry Twenty One: Shumai The Bear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kokichi meets Kaede and Shuichi and Kokichi have a child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _No, it's not what you're thinking, you filthy minded people!_

27/04/20XX  
Diary Entry

Today, I introduced Kaede to Kokichi and the three of us, along with Kaito, went to the movies and shopping together. 

I sat between Kaede and Kokichi during the movie and halfway through, Kokichi started leaning his head on my shoulder and eating out of my popcorn box - which was weird because he said beforehand he didn’t want to get any popcorn for himself and would just drink a bottle of panta. Of course, Kaede noticed and had to cover her mouth to muffle her laughs so she didn’t disrupt the other people in the theater. Kaito was very confused as to why Kaede was laughing and when the lights came back on, my face was still dark red. 

All three of them continued to tease me about it for the rest of the outing.

After the movie, we went shopping. Kaede dragged us around to practically everywhere and for some reason, Kokichi was only interested in going into toy stores - all of which he dragged me into. Kaito and I were left carrying everyone’s bags. 

At least Kaede brought something for all of us, which was very nice of her. I tried to insist she keep her gifts for herself but she shoved it into my hands and demanded I take it.

Kokichi bought himself a toy bear and named it, “Shumai” which I admittedly found touching.

Mr. Shumai The Bear is currently on our bed, tucked in under the blankets. Kokichi keeps referring to him as our “kid”.

Speaking of which, he’s currently yelling at the top of his lungs from about five rooms away, “SHUMAI, COME HELP ME FEED OUR KID!”

I guess duty calls.


	22. Entry Twenty Two: Kokichi's Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Kokichi's birthday so Shuichi throws him a party and gives him a very special surprise.

21/06/20XX  
Diary Entry

I haven’t been writing in my diary recently - not because I’ve reverted back to my old sleeping habits and keep falling asleep at my desk before being able to write anything.

It’s Kokichi’s birthday today and I planned him a very special surprise.

I hired a professional songwriter and performer to help me write and perform a song for Kokichi.

Kokichi was so shocked he was silent the whole time and covering his mouth. When it was over, he kept stuttering incoherently for several minutes before throwing his arms around me and thanking me. His face was dark red and tears of happiness were rolling down his cheeks.

I was glad he was so happy and touched.

I invited over Kaito, Kaede and Nagito and we had a mini-party for Kokichi. We played a lot of board games - of course, we all let Kokichi win all of them - and we all gave him presents and had cake. Before blowing out the candles, Kokichi insisted on taking a moment to make a wish but wouldn’t tell us what he wished for. Afterwards, when the others left, Kokichi thanked me for making today the “best birthday ever” and said I didn’t need to go through so much trouble because “any day I spend with Shumai is the best”.

I told him I was happy to do it for him because I care about him.

I have to admit, I loved seeing Kokichi being the one who is blushing and flustered for once.

I have a copy of the lyrics to the song I wrote for Kokichi so I guess I’ll just glue it onto the next page.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare for trash next chapter.
> 
> Also, as you can see, Shuichi is starting to finally regain a life outside of work. His work life is slowly being pushed out of his personal life, as evidenced by the fact Shuichi has stopped constantly referring to people as "Mr. Komaeda" and now calls Nagito, for example, "Nagito". Also, unlike the first few entries, he doesn't fall asleep while writing anymore and his grammar doesn't slowly become horrible throughout the entries.


	23. Entry Twenty Three: I'm Here For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Original lyrics I made up. It's the song Shuichi wrote for Kokichi's birthday last entry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Trash.

When the road feels too rough  
And you feel you’ve had enough  
You know I’ll be here  
So you don’t have to fear

When the going gets tough   
And you feel like running off in a huff  
You know I’m by your side  
So you don’t have to hide

And no matter what happens  
Whatever door opens  
You can hold my hand  
Together there’s nothing we can withstand

Things may be hard   
Life has no holds barred  
But we’ll get through  
Me and you

When the road feels too rough  
And you feel you’ve had enough  
You know I’ll be here  
So you don’t have to fear

When the going gets tough   
And you feel like running off in a huff  
You know I’m by your side  
So you don’t have to hide

Hold on now  
To our vow   
We’ll see this through  
Somehow we will make do

And in time  
The mountain we’ll climb  
We’ve faced so much strife  
We’ve fought for a happy life

When the road feels too rough  
And you feel you’ve had enough  
You know I’ll be here  
So you don’t have to fear

When the going gets tough   
And you feel like running off in a huff  
You know I’m by your side  
So you don’t have to hide

Until now I never believed in destiny  
But somehow I know things will work out perfectly  
You can come to me whenever you feel blue  
Because I care about you

When the road feels too rough  
And you feel you’ve had enough  
You know I’ll be here  
So you don’t have to fear

When the going gets tough   
And you feel like running off in a huff  
You know I’m by your side  
So you don’t have to hide

You know I’ll be here  
So you don’t have to fear  
You know I’m by your side  
So you don’t have to hide

And I’m here for you

You know I’ll be here  
So you don’t have to fear  
You know I’m by your side  
So you don’t have to hide

And I’m here for you

You know I’ll be here  
So you don’t have to fear  
You know I’m by your side  
So you don’t have to hide

And I’m here for you

I’m here for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you die from the cringe?


	24. Entry Twenty Four: Maki Harukawa Does Not Like Kids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While hanging out at the park with Shuichi and Kokichi, Kaito ends up saving Maki Harukawa from being trampled by excited children. Somehow, he then manages to successfully get her number without getting stabbed in the gut.

29/06/20XX  
Diary Entry

Kaito, Kokichi and I went out today. We went to the park because Kaito said he found a nice park near his house and insisted we check it out. It had a lot of playground equipment for kids but not much else.

Kaito and Kokichi thought it was the best thing ever, for some reason.

Kokichi was literally everywhere and Kaito was playing on a rocketship piece of equipment. I just sat on the bench and watched them. Their childish amusement was fun to watch, though. 

It was a calm day out until we suddenly heard a rather annoyed voice say, “Get off me. Now.” 

On the other side of the park was a girl with long pigtails who was practically being smothered by a bunch of children. The children were pulling on her hair and gripping her arms, others were trying to tackle her and push her down onto the floor. “Stop it!” the girl demanded.

Kaito immediately jumped off the spaceship and ran to help her. Gently bending down so he came down to the kid’s height, he said something to the kids that I couldn’t hear due to being far away. However, later Kaito told me that he said to them something along the lines of, “Hey guys, I know your mummies and daddies probably told you to never talk to strangers but I just wanted to tell you guys that, while I know you’re all super excited to play and go wild on all these awesome toys but you guys are really being rough and hurting this lovely young lady here, who has gone out of her way and used up some of her time just to bring you all here. You can all still play and have fun but be nice to the lady too. It also wouldn’t hurt if you would thank her for taking you out after you’ve all had your fun.” 

When the kids went off to play, Kokichi and I approached Kaito and the lady, who was nervously playing with her hair. “Thanks for...you know.” the lady was muttering when Kokichi and I arrived, as she stared at the floor.

Kaito grinned and gave her a thumbs up. Kaito told her it was no problem and said he’s glad the kids stopped trying to smother her. Kokichi and I said hello to the lady and we all introduced ourselves. The lady’s name is Maki and the kids she was with were children she was being paid to take care off. She apparently works as a child caregiver, despite having a disdain for children. Don’t ask me how that works.

Then suddenly, things got even more awkward.

“So can I get your number?” 

All of us, including Maki, were taken aback by Kaito’s sudden request. I wondered what had gotten into Kaito. There was silence for a few minutes until Maki said in a stoic tone, “...Are you serious?”

Kokichi bursted into laughter and playfully said, “Damn! Kaito’s known her for thirty seconds and he’s already going in for the kill!” 

“Well, yeah. I mean, you’re really pretty and we’re kinda friends now, aren’t we?” Kaito asked.

“...No.” Maki replied.

I wasn’t sure whether I should laugh, facepalm or feel bad for Kaito. Kokichi was still howling in the background. For a moment, I thought Kokichi would die of laughter. “Aww, come on. I saved you from the mob! The least you could do is let me be your friend.” Kaito said.

After a moment of silence, the look on Maki’s face made me think she was about to murder Kaito. If looks could kill, he would’ve been a bloody mess on the grass. Finally, after a while, Maki sighed and muttered, “Fine.”

All three of us were surprised at that - for different reasons, I assume. 

“Really!?” Kaito asked, grinning happily with a pleased look in his eyes.

“She actually said yes!?” Kokichi asked in disbelief.

“I mean, whatever. Why not?” Maki nonchalantly said before pulling out her phone and exchanging numbers with Kaito.

“Awesome! Can I call you later tonight?” Kaito asked.

Maki shrugged and said, “Whatever.” 

I kind of felt invisible. Kokchi then shouted something about the two of us being chopped liver and I felt inclined to agree.

Later, after parting ways with Maki, Kaito was practically beaming. His grin was stretching from ear to ear. Kokichi was saying he couldn’t believe Kaito actually got a girl’s number, to which Kaito responded, “Hehe! Just a regular day for the Luminary of the Stars! My intuition usually leads me to victory!" 

When we were at home, Kokichi and I both couldn’t get over our disbelief over what happened earlier today. “I don’t know if it’s hilarious or scary.” Kokichi was saying.

Kaito Momota getting a girl’s number, thirty seconds after meeting her?

“I think it’s both.”


	25. Entry Twenty Five: Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kokichi permanently moves in with Shuichi and spoils him on his birthday.
> 
> Then Kaede, Kaito, Shuichi, Kokichi and their new friend, Maki, all hang out together on Halloween and what better movie to finish a night of dressing up and Trick-Or-Treating than more Silence of The Lambs?

31/10/20XX  
Diary Entry

I haven’t written in this thing for ages.

I actually accidently lost my diary. I have no idea how but somehow, I dropped it at work and it got stuck underneath a cupboard. 

I told Kokichi and he thought it was hilarious.

Speaking of Kokichi, I asked him a couple of months ago if he wanted to permanently move in with me. I was worried I would sound stupid and embarrass myself but thankfully, Kokichi said yes!

As for Kaito and Maki, they’ve become really good friends. Maki is a really nice person - a bit intimidating and cold but deep down she’s a good person.

My birthday also happened on the seventh of September. My friends threw a party for me and Kokichi spent the whole week spoiling me - I received a present every day that week. I’m flattered he went through all that trouble for me but he really didn’t need to.

Anyways, today was Halloween so myself, Kokichi, Kaito, Kaede and Maki all went Trick-Or-Treating together. Well, to be fair it was more like Kaito dragged Maki along but I don’t think she was as opposed to the idea as she made herself out to be. 

We all dressed up - I was Sherlock Holmes, Kokichi was a thief, Maki was a corpse, Kaito was a space alien and Kaede was Dorothy from the Wizard Of Oz. We spent about two and a half hours Trick-Or-Treating and then Kokichi insisted we go back and watch Silence Of The Lambs altogether. 

It’s now 3:27am and Kaede and I are both wake and texting each other because neither of us can sleep after watching Silence Of The Lambs - at midnight on Halloween.

I regret letting Kokichi pick what movie we watch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kokichi is that one person in every group of friends who constantly makes everyone watch scary shit, then ends up being the only one who gets scared.
> 
> _That may or may not be me too._


	26. Entry Twenty Six: Scorned Mother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An angry woman comes to the police department one day accusing the Chief of Police of sexually abusing her son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains mentions of pedophilia and underage rape.

18/11/20XX  
Diary Entry

When I arrived at work today, there were camera men, journalists and reporters everywhere. At first, I thought they wanted to interview me again after the Tokyo serial killer was caught but then I thought they surely couldn’t still be going on about it? 

However, I soon found out that it was for a different reason entirely. 

A woman was angrily shouting at the chief, who was shouting back at her at an equally loud volume. I didn’t know what to do so I tried to remain invisible and stay out of it as much as possible. However, no matter what part of the station I was in, I could still clearly hear the entire argument. 

Apparently, the woman was accusing the chief for sexually harassing her child. 

I was shocked. Surely, the chief - an officer of the law - wouldn’t do something as horrible as that? There must be another explanation. 

Eventually, the woman was dragged out by security and no one really saw much of the chief for the rest of the day.

After she left, everything was suddenly normal again.

Like nothing happened. 

As I drove home, I couldn’t get the incident out of my mind. Thinking about it, the woman seemed familiar. I realised she works at the service counter at the local grocery store I go to. I quickly phoned Kokichi and asked him if it was alright if I went to the store on my way home and if he needed anything. Then I headed to the grocery store.

When I arrived, I don’t know if I was hoping she would or wouldn’t be working tonight. 

I awkwardly walked up and down the isle of service counters, trying to see if I can see her anywhere.

As luck would have it, she was working there.

I approach the counter the woman is working at and smile nervously. She notices the badge on my shirt and her expression immediately becomes sour. “You work with that pedophilic oath?” she asked me.

I said yes and told her I saw her arguing with the chief this morning. She explained to me that the chief came to their house two nights ago, alcohol in his breath. He pointed a gun at her and her son and forced the mother to watch him rape her son. He tied the mother up so she couldn’t do anything to help. The woman’s husband was apparently also abusive so the chief ended up triggering traumatic memories for both of them and her son had several panic attacks. 

I still wasn’t sure if I believed it or not. She certainly didn’t seem like she was lying but I would’ve never expected the chief would do something like that. 

She said she was going to file a report so I guess we’ll find out soon enough what really happened.


	27. Entry Twenty Seven: Claim Dismissed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The woman's claim is dismissed but Shuichi can't help but feel as though the case isn't over yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains mentions of pedophilia and underage rape.

25/11/20XX  
Diary Entry

The claim was dismissed. 

The woman came back in again. She was so distraught, she was crying hysterically and screaming at the chief at the top of her lungs. The chief didn’t even attempt to mediate the situation - in fact, he seemed to be enjoying it.

For some reason, the whole thing greatly disturbed me.

I ended up looking through the files and I found that the claim wasn’t even investigated - it was instantly dismissed without evidence! That wasn’t the only thing I found. The claim itself wasn’t even in the right folder - it was in the chief’s office in a folder for documents that need to be shredded. 

Why would the chief try to shred the claim?

When I got home I couldn’t stop think about the whole thing and how weird it all was. I was telling Kokichi about it and Kokichi asked me what I believed to be the truth. I told him I didn’t know but I knew that the chief was definitely hiding something. “In that case, if you know that he’s hiding something and only you know, isn’t it up to you to reveal the truth?” Kokichi asked me, “If it turns out that the chief really is the scumbag the lady says he is, then could you ever forgive yourself if you don’t reveal the truth?” 

I’ve been thinking about what Kokichi said for a while now and he’s right - I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself in a million years if that was the case. 

Whether I like it or not, I’m going to have to get evidence and confront my chief.


	28. Entry Twenty Eight: Fired

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi confronts his chief and puts his job on the line for what he believes is the truth. 
> 
> Unfortunately, not everything goes according to how we want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains mentions of pedophilia and underage rape.

27/11/20XX  
Diary Entry

I’ve been fired.

I remembered that the chief frequents a bar nearby so on my way to work, I stopped by and asked the owner there if the chief had stopped by on the evening of the sixteenth. He said the chief did and had many, many drinks. He was well and truly drunk by the time he left. The owner offered to give him a ride home but the chief insisted on driving himself home - which means he was drunk driving.

I finally confronted the chief today.

Again, the woman was at the station, except this time the two of them were talking in the chief’s office. I went inside and heard the chief saying that the woman has no proof that he’s lying - he was at home with his wife, apparently. 

I suddenly interjected and said that was a lie.

The chief and woman both looked surprised to see me. If looks could kill, the look the chief was giving me would’ve definitely murdered me in that moment. I ignored the chief’s order to leave the room and told them about what the bar owner said. The chief said that was not sufficient proof to say that he did the crime. However, I told him about what I say the other day in the folder. The chief said there was no one there to validate what I was saying so I could’ve been lying. The woman and I demanded to see the folder but when we looked into it, there was no sign of the claim. I then checked the folder for claims but nothing was in it either. The shredder also didn’t have anything - I have nothing to prove what I saw! 

The chief was mad - beyond furious. He said he should have my badge for the claims that I made. According to him, “I cannot believe you would make such an outrageous claim! As if I would ever assault a young child like that!”

At this point, I was also angry - angry for the victim and his mother - and without thinking about it, I replied, “Fine then, I don’t want to work for someone like you. Take my badge.”

Throwing my badge in the chief’s face, I angrily stormed out and headed home. I told Kokichi what had happened and he told me not to worry about getting fired. He was proud of me for standing up for my morals and said he felt bad for the victims. “That scumbag deserves a kick in the nuts!” Kokichi said.

I’m inclined to agree.


	29. Entry Twenty Nine: Shuichi Saihara, Chief Of Police

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi, Kokichi and the lady find conclusive evidence to prove the chief's guilt and Shuichi ends up becoming the new Chief of Police.

29/11/20XX  
Diary Entry

Kokichi and I went to the grocery store this morning to buy Kokichi panta. As luck would have it, we ran into the same woman at the service counter. She apologised to me for my badge being taken away because I defended her but I told her she doesn’t need to apologise. If anyone needs to apologise, it’s the chief. I told her that I believe her and I’m sorry I can’t to more to bring the chief to justice. The lady was very kind and said I already did more than enough just by believing her, although I still feel as though I should’ve stood up to the chief more. 

We began discussing the case again. I could tell the lady’s blood was beginning to boil again. I couldn’t blame her, I was getting worked up as well just talking about it too. “How dare that scumbag act as though he’s so appalled at the idea of him raping a little boy when he didn’t have anything against it at the time!” 

A sudden look of surprise and realisation crossed Kokichi’s face as he asked, “Little boy?” 

“Yes, my son.” the woman replied, “He’s four.” 

At first, I was confused as to why Kokichi was asking but then Kokichi asked, “Did the chief know that he’s a kid?” 

“Well, he did refer to him as a child.” I replied.

“How did he know the victim is a child?” Kokichi asked, “Did someone mention it to him?” 

“No, I don’t believe I did and I didn’t mention his age in the claim either.” the woman said.

If no one mentioned the victim’s age to the chief, the only way he could’ve know that the victim is a child is if he has met the child in person! 

I asked the lady if the chief has ever met her and her son but she said never before the incident. Which means that the only possible time the chief could’ve seen her son is the day of the crime! 

Kokichi then asked the lady why she couldn’t stop the chief when he raped her son. The woman said he threatened to kill them and Kokichi asked what he would kill them with - did he have a weapon on him? The lady replied he had a gun. Kokichi asked how she knew and she said she initially tried tackling him to get him away from her son and managed to get the gun off him and threw it under the bed. However, the chief then started strangling her son so she had to cooperate. She then mentioned that the chief was too drunk by the end of it to remember to retrieve his gun.

Why didn’t she say all of this sooner!?

We rushed to the lady’s house and sure enough, there was the gun underneath the bed. I made sure to put on gloves before touching it and begged the forensic department to examine it for fingerprints, even though I was no longer employed. Because they all know me there, they agreed and sure enough, the results soon came back.

The chief’s and the lady’s fingerprints were all over the gun, which proves that the woman’s account is true!

We then contacted the chief’s superiors and asked them to come with us when we confront the chief. It took a bit of persuasion but they sent someone with us. Finally, we confronted the chief and presented to him all of our evidence. He put up a fight, of course. He went ballistics - he was cursing us, yelling, threatening us. However, finally we managed to render him speechless without any comebacks. The chief was taken into custody and compensation was organised to be given to the lady and her son for what had happened. The three of us were beaming - not only did we confront one of the most powerful people in the city, we brought him to justice too and revealed the truth!

“That’s my detective!” Kokichi exclaimed, hugging me.

“You’re the one who figured it out.” I pointed out. 

The woman hugged both of us and told us she couldn’t thank us enough. I realised I never got her name so I asked her what it was. 

Her name is Miss Chisa Yukizome.

There were thousands of reporters and other people around me, trying to interview me. They were all congratulating me on solving the case but I insisted Kokichi and Miss Yukizome deserve credit too. 

The superiors apologized to me for my badge being taken away and offered for me to become the new chief of police. At first, I was embarrassed and said there was no way I was worthy enough to be chief but then Kokichi said, “Shumai, you caught both the Tokyo serial killer and figured out the chief of police is a psycho! That takes major skill! You’re the worthiest person I know.” 

Miss Yukizome also said I should accept the position, saying, “If you miss out on this opportunity, you’ll regret it forever.” 

I ended up accepting and as soon as we got home, Kokichi told everyone! I was extremely embarrassed.

Now I have about one hundred messages on my phone from Kaede and Kaito.


	30. Entry Thirty: Officer Behind Bars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi visits the former Chief Of Police in jail.
> 
> It's not a good visit.

13/12/20XX  
Diary Entry

I had been debating since the chief got arrested if I should visit him or not. 

Today, I finally went to see him.

Unsurprisingly, he wasn't very happy to see me. As soon as I entered the visiting room, he glared and sneered at me and hissed my name through clenched teeth. I asked him how he was but my only response was, “What do you think?” 

It wasn't a very productive conversation, to say the least. If anything, it was the most useless yet mentally destroying conversation ever. 

I knew it would be a miracle if I got an answer, let alone an honest one, but I decided to try asking the chief the obvious question anyways.

Why did he do it?

Of course, he doesn't answer me.

He just stares, as if I asked the most stupidly obvious and pointless question possible. I felt like a waste of his time. I felt stupid. I felt degraded. He made me feel so many terrible things during that one visit without barely saying a word.

I decided to try a different tactic, since he obviously wouldn’t be answering my previous question.

“Did you enjoy it?”

His response was simple - it was just one word. Yet, I think that word will haunt me for the rest of my life. 

“Yes.”

I felt goosebumps form on my arms as he said that and a shiver rolled down my spine. 

I knew from the look in his eyes, the way his lips tilted upwards into a small smirk and by the way he licked his lips that his response was the truth.

Without saying another word, I got up and left the room. I didn’t dare look back but I could feel him drilling holes into me as I left. 

Of course, that wasn’t all we said. The chief said a lot more not-so-nice things to me. Hurtful things. Things that will probably stick with me for the rest of my life.

I would rather not talk about it.

Thankfully, Kokichi was extremely understanding about it when I got back. I got a lot of hugs and he helped cheered me up.

What would I do without him?


	31. Entry Thirty One: You Had Someone Who Loved You When You Died

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When they arrive at another therapy session, Shuichi, Kokichi and Kaito find out that Nagito has been hospitalised and is in critical condition. They immediately go to see him as soon as the session is over.
> 
> Unfortunately, they're too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nagito/KomaHina fangirls out there, prepare the tissues.
> 
> The title is based off a quote in Nagito's free time events when he says that before he dies, he wants someone to love him so he doesn't die lonely.

19/12/20XX  
Diary Entry

When we arrived at today’s therapy session, we were met with terrible news.

Nagito is in hospital after vomiting blood at home. He’s in critical condition and the doctors suspect this is going to be the end for him. 

I felt like I was going to vomit. The news was extremely saddening. Aside from Kokichi and Kaito, Nagito was the person I spoke to most there. Especially considering I worked with him for a case just a few months ago. 

I never would’ve suspected then that he wouldn’t even make it to Christmas Day. 

After the session, Kokichi, Kaito and I all headed to the hospital to visit Nagito. When we arrived, there was already a brown haired boy in his room. He was crouched down beside Nagito’s bed and was brushing the hair from his face. 

His name was Hajime Hinata and he was friends with Nagito. We said we came to see Nagito but he told us we were already too late.

Nagito had passed away just over forty five minutes ago.

We were disappointed but did our best to offer our condolences to Hajime, while also keeping our own tears at bay. At one point, I started crying. In an attempt to lighten the mood, Kokichi made a feeble attempt to poke fun at me for crying. 

He was struggling to not cry even more than I was.

Kaito angrily punched the wall, nearly causing a hole. Despite his obvious grief, Kaito said, “Come on you guys, we can’t mope around here. I don’t think Nagito would want us to.” 

“He wouldn’t want us to care at all!” Kokichi pointed out, “He was always calling himself worthless trash, remember?”

Hajime then interjected and said deep down, Nagito probably did secretly want someone to care about him - he probably wanted at least one person in the world to love him - before he died.

I asked Hajime if Nagito knew he had that. I mean, it was obvious Hajime and the three of us all cared about him a lot but did Nagito know that? Hajime’s response was a quiet, “I hope so…” 

Needless to say, today was not a very good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, a Nagito and KomaHina fangirl: *Bawling*


	32. Entry Thirty Two: Faded Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A New Year has rolled around!
> 
> Shuichi, Kokichi, Kaito, Kaede, Maki and their new friend, Hajime Hinata, all hang out together and discuss their hopes for the New Year.
> 
> A certain comment then finally makes Shuichi come to terms with the fact that he's in love with Kokichi but unfortunately, the detective has no idea what to do about his feelings for the other.
> 
> “I don’t care what the New Year throws at us as long as I can be with you, Shuichi!”

09/01/20XX  
Diary Entry

This is my first entry of the New Year!

Obviously, Christmas and New Year just happened. It was a bit hard to celebrate and be cheerful after all the incidents happening recently. However, we ended up inviting Kaede, Kaito and Maki over for dinner on Christmas and we also watched The Grinch. Then on New Year’s Eve, we all drove down to the city early in the morning and spent the day there before watching the New Year’s Eve countdown and watching the fireworks go off. 

It was Kaito’s idea to invite Hajime to come with us to both events. New Year’s Day is also apparently Hajime’s birthday so we all wished him a happy birthday. At first, Hajime was reluctant to come with us and it was a bit awkward at first but I think he ended up having a good time. Maybe he may have been able to stop thinking about Nagito, even for just a bit. 

We were surprised when Hajime showed up at the Christmas party wearing Nagito’s jacket. He blushed and told us he heard it would be a cold night and wanted to wear the jacket to remind him of Nagito. 

After the New Year’s Eve fireworks went off and we all wished each other a happy new year, Kaito asked each of us what we were looking forward to most in the New Year. 

Kaede said she heard a famous group would be coming near where we live and they were looking for a pianist. Kaede is an amazing pianist. She doesn’t just get each note perfectly right, she brings them alive and makes her audience feel and hear the story behind the music in a way that nobody else can. I’m sure if she auditions, she’ll get in without a doubt. 

Maki, of course, first tried to insist that she didn’t care. However, after Kaito pushed her, Maki admitted that she wanted to help secure more funding to her orphanage during the New Year so better equipment can be provided for the children. Kokichi laughed and called her a softie, until Maki threatened to kill him.

It’s pretty obvious at this point that Maki isn’t really as cold as she seems.

Kaito said he heard a Space Center an hour or two away is looking for new recruits. He said he was going to apply and if he’s lucky - he may even get to go to space before his illness takes him.

I’m glad he has a chance of making his dream before he dies.

Hajime said he wasn’t sure what he wants the New Year to be like but he did mention he had planned to visit Nagito’s grave on New Year’s Day. He said he wasn’t sure what the future had in store for him but for Nagito’s sake, Hajime said he will continue to have hope no matter what it may be.

I said I wanted to focus less on work this year and take better care of myself, which means no more falling asleep at my desk, no more skipping meals, no more coming it work hours early and staying until midnight, no more refusing to go out or socialise - I’m gonna get rid of all of those bad habits this year.

Kokichi was excited at the news and said he will help me every step of the way.

I asked Kokichi what he was hoping for in the New Year and his response nearly made me choke.

“I don’t care what the New Year throws at us as long as I can be with you, Shuichi!”

Everyone laughed at how hard I was blushing and how flustered Kokichi made me. Kaede then commented about how it was a mystery that Kokichi and I haven’t gotten together yet. Kokichi didn’t seem to hear what she said but I certainly did.

I admit it, I definitely see why she would say that.

I know I previously said I wasn’t sure if my feelings were romantic or not, however, after all this time - all of the flirting, all of the adventures we’ve had, all of the millions of pages I’ve written about him - the evidence shows that there’s no other possibility. 

I’m in love with Kokichi.

I know that it’s the truth and I know that there’s no other possibility. Not that I needed evidence to know that. I admit, I’ve probably been in love with him for a while. I was just too afraid to admit it in case it messes up our friendship or I make a fool of myself. I’m not used to being in love - I’ve never had a crush and I’ve never dated anybody either - so this is all completely new to me. Still, I can say with confidence that I know for sure what I am feeling and it is definitely, without a doubt, love.

Part of me wants to tell him. I think there’s a chance he might feel the same but I can’t know for sure unless I confess. In saying that, what if my intuition is wrong and he doesn’t feel the same way? Am I really able to take that risk? Can I really handle the consequences if this blows up in my face?

I don’t know what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When Kokichi said he wants to be with Shuichi, he did indeed mean it romantically. Shuichi is just oblivious and Kokichi is too shy to actually explain his feelings out loud.


	33. Entry Thirty Three:  Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi, Kaito and Kaede brainstorm ways Shuichi can confess to Kokichi but Shuichi's fear of rejection starts to get the better of him.

20/01/20XX  
Diary Entry

I told Kaito and Kaede about my feelings for Kokichi. Neither of them were really surprised, in fact when I told Kaede, she shouted, “FINALLY!” 

I told them I decided I wanted to tell Kokichi how I felt to him before it’s too late and Kokichi dies without knowing the truth. I asked them to help me come up with ways I can confess to Kokichi. These are the ideas we came up with:

1\. Freeze some Panta in the freezer and cut it into a bunch of letters to spell out “Will you be my boyfriend?” - Me.  
2\. Write it down so I don’t have to say it in person, since I am super awkward. - Kaito.  
3\. Take Kokichi out somewhere then confess. - Me.  
4\. Write another song. - Kaede.  
5\. Go stargazing together but cover the lens of the telescope with a piece of paper saying, “Will you go on a date with me?” when Kokichi looks in it. - Kaito.  
6 “Just go out and say it!” - Kaede.

Yeah, they’re not very good ideas. I honestly have no idea what I’m going to do. It’s like I’m sitting here with an overwhelming amount of feelings and I know exactly what I want to do, just not how I’m going to do it.

It’s extremely frustrating.

I don’t know what to do.

Maybe I should just forget about it. I mean, why would Kokichi ever want to date someone like me, anyways? There’s nothing appealing about me and I have no redeeming qualities. I should just be thankful that we’re friends and not push my luck so I don’t destroy our friendship.

Yeah, that’s what I’m going to do. It’s best for everybody.

So why does the idea hurt me so much?


	34. Entry Thirty Four: Running Out Of Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kokichi ends up having and episode and is hospitalised and put into ICU. Shuichi falls into despair as he realises not only could he lose the love of his life but because of his fear and hesitation, he may lose Kokichi without ever getting the chance to confess to him.

07/02/20XX  
Diary Entry

Everything is a mess.

Kokichi had an episode today. Everything was fine and we were going about our normal day when I happened to walk into our room and saw Kokichi clutching the wall and vomiting on the floor. His entire body was shaking and his hand was gripping his hair so hard, I thought he was going to rip it all out. 

Kokichi had mentioned he felt numb and weak this morning but we passed it off as nothing. He also had trouble listening to what I was saying and speaking but I thought he was just sleepy or something. 

I asked Kokichi what was wrong and he told me he couldn’t see - his vision was all blurry. Kokichi tried to take a step forward but ended up stumbling and I quickly reached out to catch him. I felt his forehead and it was like sticking my hand in a furnace. I immediately began to panic and called an ambulance.

It turned out Kokichi had a stroke.

At some point, Kokichi passed out and hasn’t open his eyes since. He’s not dead but the doctors say he’s in a coma. They said there’s a good chance he will not make it but they are keeping him on life support for a few days just in case. 

I was inconsolable.

Kaede and Kaito both came as soon as I told them - Maki and Hajime even came too. They did their best to reassure me but I can’t be calm until I see Kokichi’s eyes open again.

What if he doesn’t wake up? What if he dies? I never got to tell him how I feel because I was too much of a coward to just hurry up and do it! I’m so stupid! This is all my fault! Kokichi may not be in a coma right now if I went and called an ambulance as soon as he told me he felt numb and weak this morning. 

There’s so much panic and fear going about in my head and I just want to see Kokichi’s bright smile and hear his cheerful voice and his sweet giggles again. 

Please, God - or whatever entity watches over us, if one even exists at all - don’t take Kokichi away from me, please. 

Give me a little more time.

I’ve changed so much because of him. I’ve become a lot better at taking care of myself and he helped me get my social life back. He’s the best thing in my entire life, I don’t want to go back to being alone.

Please.


	35. Entry Thirty Four: Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kokichi continues to show no sign of improving and even with their friends constantly visiting, Shuichi remains broken without Kokichi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this entry is based off of the song "Without You" from the movie "Rent". The song is about how when we lose someone we care about, life goes on and the world around us doesn't change but we're still stuck with this depressed, burdening feeling.

13/02/20XX  
Diary Entry

I’ve been visiting Kokichi everyday since he fell into a coma. I’ve been spending most of my day there and I only leave when visiting time is over. Kaede and Kaito have also been coming frequently. They’ve been bringing gifts and they’re trying to do as much as they can. I appreciate them for all of the comfort they’ve been giving me but nothing can comfort me right now. They keeping telling me I need to go outside and go somewhere else other than the hospital but I refuse to leave unless it’s with Kokichi. 

Kokichi has showed no sign of waking up. No groaning, no twitching - not even the slightest sound or movement. 

I’m beginning to lose hope.

I wish at least he would give me some sort of sign that he was alive, that he was going to be okay, that he could hear me and knew I was there - anything.

But there’s nothing.

It’s like investigating a crime scene on my own, with no one else but me and the body. 

Except this is a million times worse.

This is more than just some dead body.

This is Kokichi.

My love.


	36. Entry Thirty Six: My Valentine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Valentine's Day - exactly one year since Shuichi and Kokichi first met.
> 
> This was the day that brought Kokichi to Shuichi in the first place. Can it work its magic again or will Kokichi be taken away from Shuichi forever?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter is similar to the title of the entry where Shuichi first meets Kokichi, except this time instead of simply "Valentine" it is, "MY Valentine".

14/02/20XX  
Diary Entry

Today marks one year since I met Kokichi.

How ironic that today, of all days, happens to also be Valentine’s Day.

And I’m spending it in hospital, spending every minute by Kokichi’s side, praying and hoping he’ll somehow wake up.

I bought a bouquet of flowers with me to hospital today and put them in a vase beside Kokichi’s bed. I keep imagining myself giving them to Kokichi in person, rather than giving it to his unconscious and unaware body. On my way to the hospital, I kept humming in the car the song I wrote for Kokichi’s birthday. As I placed the flowers into the vase next to Kokichi’s bed, I started softly singing the song under my breath. 

I noticed Kokichi’s hand hanging off the side of the bed and without really thinking about it, i reached out and grabbed Kokichi’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

Suddenly, a miracle happened.

Kokichi squeezed my hand back.

My hope may not be gone after all.

Valentine’s Day really is the day of love. 

And I love Kokichi Oma with all of my heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That is the end of the story! Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> As I said before, this is my part of a collaboration for the SaiOuma Pit on Discord's Valentine's Day Event. I'm excited to see the other entries and my partner's side of the collaboration. 
> 
> Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!


End file.
